That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize