just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
