To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
