See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
