Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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