barbara walters just said penis...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
