they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
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