If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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