ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
