At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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