I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
im holly from the hills drunk
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
