Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
