Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize