i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
