I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
