i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
