My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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