Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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