That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
