You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
