She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
