I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
