there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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