just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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