all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize