I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
