my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize