I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
