he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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