I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
