so let's talk penis.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
