Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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