for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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