my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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