Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
