Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize