Apparently you make a good broom.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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