so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
