I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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