Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
