Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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