nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
