Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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