I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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