btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
