Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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