i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
