and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize
