Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
