I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Oh god it's open bar.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
