This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
