this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
