the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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