my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
