Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
