You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
