Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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