I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
