a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My cat gives me a boner
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
