I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
