If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
