I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
