I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My penis needs a shock collar
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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