He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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