He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
