He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize