Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i think my cat just said my name.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
