there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
