what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
