Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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