i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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