Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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