all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
