If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
