In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
