i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
