SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We have so much sex to catch up on
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
