I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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