Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
