I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
